Day 170: Stop This Train

06.04.2010 at 15:28 · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: stress

Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly won’t someone stop this train

- John Mayer

Yeah i know it’s emo to use song quotes. News flash, it’s a little emo to have a blog, and I tend to be emo sometimes. Anyhow..

I think this is a point many can empathize with whether you are in a year (or two) of service, are a full-time student, full-time mom, are living paycheck to paycheck, have a family, are about to start a new career, are on your own, or you are otherwise not a robot. (For the robots, however, I got you covered here. Eat your heart out Albright-Knox). At day 170, which was early in February, I just about hit a wall. I was tired from all sides and didn’t really give myself the chance to let off some steam. About 4 hours into that Monday, I decided I needed a half-day if I was gonna be of any use at all.

As rewarding as it is, for me, there is nothing like working in human services to make me feel very small and very insignificant. I wasn’t completely ignorant to social service or general public welfare issues before I started the CCSC. But since I have been here, I’ve become more aware of the increasingly large amount of information and experiences I do not know and have not realized. (Unk-unks for you hipster business folks). I’m lucky to have a pretty flexible placement and a home I enjoy coming back to each day.

For people who are about to decide whether or not a program like the CCSC is for them, I just wanted to share my outlook on one aspect of long-term service. I can’t imagine there not being a few… or more times when you just want to throw your hands up and lay your head down. It’s been inevitable for me. And if you are serving compassionately and with a real interest in human dignity (in my opinion and experience), your emotions are gonna get the best of you and sometimes that’s gonna be anger or sadness or frustration or complete and utter confusion. The thing though, is to have some sort of method that allows you to rebound from those points well. It’s like taking part in any kind of intense exercise. As fit as any person can get, you’re body is gonna take a beating at some point and the true test, and goal, of physical fitness is how well and how fast you can recover from the activity you put your body through.

Stop this train. For me, I’ve been fortunate to take advantage of the benefits of community living. I’ve had people to talk to and empathize with. We’ve also laid groundwork and continue to work on our relationships so we can help one another out when needed. It doesn’t make me less tired, I don’t think, to have the CCSC and be a part f the community, but it makes me more comfortable with those moments where I just wanna fall apart. It offers a little strength to rebound. Yep the CCSC is pretty bouncy, which comes in handy from time to time.

2/8/10

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