Day 17 : The Privilege of Privacy *rewind*

04.09.2009 at 20:40 · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: outreach, poverty, privacy, St. John's

Thinking about some of my encounters at the outreach center. I wrote this journal entry the other day. Enjoy, it’s like you’re reading my diary!!!

“… So I realize some things better from seeing them. Though I am not immersed in the plight of the impoverished, I catch glimpses of it. I get vignettes in my office and on the phone. And at times I wear [eyes that make my world look] different…

“Privacy, I’m learning, is saved for the privileged. When you are poor, you have to walk through a door with your arms open to ask for whatever can be given to you… Name, number, address. Okay I’ve gotten asked as much at checkout in a local beauty store. But I find myself getting the whole story when I pick up the phone. ‘This is what I think I need. This is why I’m calling. This is why I need it and here’s why I can’t get it myself. Naked. Before I even know your name.

“I was surprised at the frequency with which I received class like this. ‘No one asked for your life story.’ Except someone probably has. And someone after them. And another one after her too. Being in need usually means you have to prove it to get aid. Some people are strong enough for the process not to alter their view of their own worth. I’m not.

“I guess the world we live in requires that we prove the need exists before we can address it. I think I ‘d like to address the person before me instead. I don’t need any proof that they exist.”

-G- 9.02.09

I find it amazing how my supervisor here thinks we can really help anyone. He nods his head and says yes to everyone who walks through our door. He doesn’t ask for proof or look with judging eyes. anyone we can’t help here he sends them or takes them to a place where they can be helped. I really admire his benevolence, but it’s frustrating too when it’s my job to facilitate some of that help, because sometimes, I just don’t see how it can logistically work. I’ve met a lot of people who think everyone can be helped, I’m there. But Jim is really good of helping regardless and in a wholly for the person. This whole center is pretty good with that.

I get these calls from people and what they need is some help because maybe they lost their job or got a divorce or where kicked out of a home or were recently released from jail etc etc… But people sometimes have to make themselves so vulnerable and I hear a lot about the bad choices people made, the inadequacies they think they have, the fears going on in their heads, the pride keeping them from something better, and just every private thing that people like to hold onto for themselves. I was thinking, damn, I share this kind of stuff with good friends only after I feel I can trust them, or on the occasion that I just feel like being really open, but right now I’m a voice on a phone, and this has got to be a little scary.

I’ve been lucky not to need to ask for help in a major way in my life.  I kinda don’t like doing it at times. It’s curious to think of having to do it all the time. Not to ask a favor or whatnot of a friend, but to ask for mercy from others, that’s risky business.

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